I’m, That Girl

While the title may imply this post is only for women, I assure you, it’s not!  But, since I have to write from my own prospective and today is International Womens Day, I think, it’s probably the best day to share some encouragement for [Anyone] Woman out there: You are not alone!  

One thing I can assure you, we all know it: change is Happening! It’s one of the few guarantees you’re given today…. But how you deal with that change, is a whole other story. I think, there are a majority of us that feel like [at some point], we’ve had to deal with change, alone. Alone, because you are the only one (within your circle) dealing with a particular situation, so no one else, understands! But, the truth is: We’ve all been there!
So, have you been that girl? In my shoes? Ever? No? You can’t remember a time, where you were that girl? 

• Surely you remember, how you felt to be that girl, who was not invited to something because you were single — Sorry, it’s a couples only event! 
• Maybe you’re that girl, the Non-Mom, so you’re not invited to parties, because you just wouldn’t understand. *I have nieces? Don’t those count?
• How about being the married girl, who’s husband travels, and your friends think you’ve made all these fabulous plans, because you’re getting a free night alone!
• What about being that girl who has children, and you aren’t invited to dinner? Because I assume you won’t be able to get a babysitter?
• Or you’re that girl, the stay at home mom, who people assume is ‘so lucky’ -but secretly, your life is, very difficult!
• Or the worst, you’re that girl, who has lost someone… Because of a Move, a Divorce, or even Death. The hardest change of all…

I remember being the only girl in junior high without a boyfriend. I remember being the only girl in college without grandparents. I remember being the only girl in my mid-20’s not married. Now, most recently, I know the feeling to be the only girl, with no children. I’m sure I’ll experience another change or two… but the biggest takeaway from these lack of’s has been this: sometimes the change, we experience is because, (society) has told us (or implied) we “need” something! But regardless of that – we still have a confusing, and conflicting feeling inside of us, that Sucks!…And no, it’s Not Easy –  So, for me, some of those changes, I’ve rolled my eyes, and others, I’ve embraced with tears of joy! 

 I think, as women, we assume too much! We also, judge too often! She has this: I have that. She did this: I did that. That happened to her: That will never be me.  STOP doing that!  Your life could change, Today! You are Amazing! She is amazing! So, Stop comparing yourself to others! 

Back to what this post is not saying: Shame on you friends of mine, for not including me…Or shame on you friend, for doing something in life Before I did! Or even, Shame on you friend for not understanding me. Nope!   I do not write for that reason! – No! I write to encourage anyone out there feeling like they are that girl (today), to change the way you think, and do something about it!  [Disclaimer: sometimes yes, you need to talk to someone, and vent or complain, because our friends are the best to ‘do life with’ – but I’m digging deeper than that]

So where Am I going here? I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not the strongest woman – not by any stretch of the means! But, there are SO Many out there who are “Strong” – So for me, to see that strength, and not compare -I ran with it, to create a list of what I wanted out of my life! That would not define me, because of my current, lack of’s

1. So, I recently jumped into a group, at the Art Center. I never imagined being part of this group, to be honest. It’s not who I defined myself as being… An Artsy Girl? But wait a second, I am! No, I can’t draw, or paint, but I have always appreciated the world of Art – Thanks 11th grade Art History!  It wasn’t just about this group though, I was scared to get back out there, in the volunteer world!  [I had to remind myself that, years ago, I started volunteering like a mad woman because I was going through a difficult change, and it helped me get through it! But then I got married, and I thought “Oh hey, now, I’ll be happy to sit back and chill” – while its a great privilege to be married – its not who I am! ]
So, I wanted to be myself again…. I wanted to be involved, but this time, not because someone needed me: But because I needed it!  So instead, of saying, no, I don’t have time – I ran with an opportunity, that has been one of the biggest blessings! In this group, I don’t have to be single, married or have children: I don’t even have to have friends, or connections. I don’t even need the right job, or any money… No! I come to this group because these people are like me, the bonus!? We volunteer to make a change in the lives of others through our ‘like-minded-ness’! 

2.  But yes, I still have the left out feeling every so often with my dearest friends! I had to recognize -It’s not their fault, our lives are just different.  So to get the “pity-party” out of my head, I decided to make a list!  Seriously, I’ve made a list of things I want to accomplish! Making that list, has been humorous to say the least… It never started off as a bucket list, but has certainly turned into one! It includes, but has not been limited to: remodeling a bathroom and planting a garden [last summer, I failed miserably at this one]. I’ve refinished furniture, and even learned to make jam. I challenged myself to read a book anywhere but home {this one requires being outside of your comforts}, to take a road trip. And to eventually travel somewhere by myself! – I made a list. It continues to grow! [Last night (that sushi pic), I took myself out on a date! Alone!]

3. One of the biggest changes for me though, has been working out, and eating better!  I wanted to take on a task that was “out of my norm” and would push me to do something new!. So working out – (an eye roll change). I’m sure I’ll quit soon enough, I hate working out. But, by doing this: I have a whole new prospective on myself! I feel better… And by doing this, I’m eating better.  Not that I enjoy it – I love cheese dip, and am not a freak about my diet – but by simply challenging myself to do something new, I am changing in a great (healthy) way. 

4.  And as you’ve already seen, I’ve been writing. Writing has been an extremely powerful outlet for me. A great friend of mine, started painting every week at the Art Center. She is the opposite of me (in one aspect of life) she has children. But still – she’s that girl, in her own world.  She needed to do something that was not defining her as a “mom” -but as an individual. I’m so proud of her!

So, Quit thinking that you are just what life has given you. For me, what I had, or ultimately, thought was wrong because I didn’t have -created a rut… And no, I didn’t always talk about it – but I found myself missing out on so many other things (in life) because I was “waiting” …. And -that just wasn’t working! I AM, YOU are, so much more than those things you don’t have….
As Women are no longer the ones without a voice, without a life, who have to stay home, and have to do as we are told…We don’t have to have life in a certain order, or by a certain date!  

So maybe you’re a writer, a painter, a volunteer, a gardener, a seamstress… And you are also a wife, a mother, and a child to someone,. —-With these titles, I am certain: Someone sees you! Someone is watching you to see how you deal with a change. And may even be motivated to change themselves, because you are a Strong Woman! So, while you may not have that husband yet, that child yet, or that job, you secretly envy someone else for taking, – You have something else, you have Your Life! And the possibilities are Endless! {if you don’t agree, email me, I’ll be happy to point you in a better direction!} 

So Embrace life, those changes – Love being That Girl. And no matter what life (changes) you are experiencing, take it with Grace – & the middle finger! Tell that life of yours – Its a great day to Me!